Life is Death

Urm, last sun, i wanna catch my iguana..cuz been a week didnt play wif it. N it sud bite me.. OMG! Blood keep on flowing.. I got panic.. but then, i try to balut it myself. Veli damn painful. N on mon, june told me to see doc. I dunwan.. She force me … :’( uh.. Then wykie fetch me go see doc lor.. N the doc help me to balut, and sapu ibat..den hor, gip me injection. Shit*

I was so damn afraid.. N now, my right arm still in numb after the injection.. uh.. N doc gip me eat 3 types medicine.. Luckily june ask me go see doc.. Then hor, i MC at office.. hehe. But noon i work bek.. I dun wanna go hm.. so i slept at office. After the injection, i felt sleepy sud.

N today, tues, i buka the balutan, and saw my hand sudah bengkak.. uhh.. I sendiri sapu ubat and balut sendiri lor.. Pandai kan? hehe..

Then, after work today, june bring me to ikano.. I saw Nick lea.. yum yum* He still r’ber me.. n he’s holding a very green iguana.. Wah.. it’s one of the costumer’s d…N i told him about the iguana which i bought from him.

I wanna return back to him..dunwan liaw.. but then, i wanna fight for the iguana.. I dun belif, it will bite me foreva..so whati do is, i balut my hand wif cloths 1st. Then baru catch him. Today i manage to catch him..Hold him and play with him for 1 1/2hr.. so happy.. after play, i put it in the cage, and he go to eat..haha..

Happy ner, can bump into nick..

but my 2nd finger still in pain..Luckily i use the 3rd and the fourth finger to type keyboards, else i have to take off..but i dunwanna stay at hm ner.. hehe.

And b4 meeting nick, me and june went to eat sushi.. June intro some of the nicest sushi.. yum yum.. But some of it not so fresh d.. but still ok lor..den got eat urm..forgot wat’s the name liaw, but it’s kinda nice.. yummy*

ahem.. Trimmed my hair.. Well, this is the evry 1st time, i trimmed so short.. Neva in my life.. But i like it..very much!

N the comment i got from frenz is, wah.. u look so pretty, u look so fresh, so clean joh, not sleepy type liaw, so ‘ying’ and etc..

ahem~

Means, last time i’m not pretty, den hor, not fresh,..worst of all, am i dirty??? haha..But, watever i got comments, all is positives lor.. No one say ..’yerrrr..celaka’..haha

Luv this hair reli much.. yum yum*

Dear beloved Justin @ Ah B,

Yest i chun chun 12 midnite, wait for 20.06.06 to come. Waited patiently. N once come, i sms to your num. 1st, i sms to your new number, but auto failed. So i sms another number.. This time got delivered report. I was so happy. I wished u happy burfday! Hoping you received lots of gift from your loving family and frenz.

I miss u alot..till now. Been had the yr u left me.. Left me without telling me a gd bye. How am i supposed to live? Still miss ur laughter..your jokes, your damn vulgar words.. and those LOTR voices.

N i still r’ber, we watched The Shutter together. Close the office light  Then, u very sked.. haha.. I teman u watch again, even i watched it. Then, u went to the loo. I stand at the front door. Hak sei lei..U scream, i scream oso.. Cause of ur scream, make me scream.. Then i ran, n u chase after me, although i’m a real ghost.. Didnt know u so berani to chase after a ghost.. N hak sei nicole oso, cuz she hear us screammm.. haha..

N today, one of my fren send fwd sms to me. it’s 20062006 bring double happiness.. It’s so miracle. Ur date falls that time too. Guess you are happy as well uh..

Today June told me to buy cig for u.. I wanted, but on the way back from lunch, i forgotten..so badly sad. But however, my wishes for ur bday is from the bottom of my heart.

I wanted to find u, but i got no transport.. Hope, end of this yr, i got enuff money to buy a car then, Then i will go to find u 1st ok. I promise. Once i got a car, i will come to u d.

Justin, i wanted u to be happy ok.. U are a fun goin guy. Guess everyone loves u alot..Cuz i love u alot as well.. Take care, and dont let ppl bullie you ok..

++till now, you still didnt come to my dream..do you know how sad i am?++

And u know what?? Electric went out today..So hor, sud vin called me in. He asked me, y sud i trim my hair. I say ‘Y lea’? Not Nice ka? He smile..den say nice..very nice.. Then i asked again..Sure not? Then he say, like lala mui.. haha.. Wahh lan! Luckily i didnt dye all orangie, else lagi lala. But after haf hr ltr, v went hm lor..cuz no electric ma.. Somemore, very hot oso.. N Vin botak looo.. haha.. Probably watch too much of samba kick.

It’s photography today.. luckily june manage to turn up, else i dunno what to do.. Thankx alot.

The lil boy..haha.. very cutre oso.. at 1st he quite sked d, ppl tell him laugh, guci..haha.. he still act like that.. then hor, after a long period, he starting to hv fun.. cool huh?

After that session, i went to saloon to trim my hair. I want the hairstyle of the shane in The L word. Very yeng n cool. N somemore, i like her chracter oso. She’s so man and have sexy voice. Ah B took my 1st season.. So, i probably would buy the 1st season again to catch up, as i got onli 2nd season.

But then, i was so proud. Eventhough the hairstylist didnt make exactly like what i wanted, but i oso ‘moon yi’. Then i highlight orange. At 1st i wanna dye it all orangie, den i changed my mind. Else ppl will say, walau eh, what is this girl up to.

The stylish say ‘wah, u ’saw chee kek? sudd want this kind of hairstyle?’ Cuz that time i walked in, i’m long hair, innocent..haha.. Then sud look like a kinky. I told, no la.. I wanted it so badly last time joh d. Then the stylish say, ‘u dun sked hark sei lei keh mother?’..hahaha.. I laugh man! Then hor, the facial i went that evening oso asked me, ‘ur parents can accpet ma? bout ur hair?.. haha. I told her, i oso dunno.

Then, when back hm, my dad say me.. he smile. he say ‘new hairstyle huh?’ i say yeah, and smile back.. jialat la me..

But i’m happi.. vki say i look more fresh.. yum yum.. at last, i can play my hair wif spray and gel. walau, cool man! I reli love this hair of mine.. Y? cuz my fav body part is my hair.. Like what is same like ting fung oso. He oso like his hair much more.. ViVA ROCKS MY WORLD!!

Is this the end of the road? Nicole got ask me, how am i with john? I told her, i dont know. Cause he neva feedback me, except in mails.

So, tonight i make up my mind and text msg him. I try not to bug him after a week. Let our mind relax.. so after today, i got his email, n since my fren asked me how am i with joh, i decided to get my answers my own.

Y i say so? Cause i need to know whether is a yes or a no. I dont want this wat wat temperory or give me some times. I’m fuck with this kind of things.

Nway, i told him that i need to have the answer by end of this midnight. If he no msg me back, means we are over. Cause i dont need any of times. I’ve given many times to him, many chances to him. But will he appriciate it? I dont know.

Even, after a mth break up, he told me if i no sms or email him, he wanted to tackle one 18 yr old gurl. What the *toot*. Well, it’s his choice. probably he afraid of loneliness. I dont knoe. But wish his answer were with me 2gether. If not, I will let him go, wish him best of luck in his luckies ones.

I dont wanna tie him anymore. Just will let him be free for the breakup. For me? I will walk my own road.. Trusting someone who will be worth to trust too. Must be strong for my own.. So guys up thr, dun worry bout me ya.

dear ddtata,

Probably i know who you are, probably my guessing is all wrong. But i wish you could tell me who you are actually, cause I dont like this kind of ways.

I dont think i neva know you, cause you seems to know some of my life,eventhough i didnt post it at my blog.

Well, according to what you have write for me, if i was to choose either john and my ex, I would rather choose for my ex. Why? Cause i feel secure when with him. The love and protection that he can give to me. Those trusting and positive supports. And i have no worries that he will betray me and do those unfaitfull things to me. Guess this is every girls dream of.

My ex did told me once thru email that he tatooed his neck. Cause last time, when together with him, loving each other so much, and i told him i wanna tatoo my neck, my name. But once break up, after a few mths gone, he told me that he did my name on his neck. That moment, i dont know whether to trust him or not, but i did trust him. Cause i knoe he wont lie to me. It’s not that the tattoo he make, make me love him more. NO! It’s because .. the feelings i couldnt descrbe.

What about john? John would rather keep everything to himself. Know sometimes, something he did will actually hurt me, but i would rather if he speaks to me and tell me. Issn’t this is called as love? Share everything together and not keeping things? I have confronted john many times. Hope he will tell me things which he supposed to. I know, he dont wanna make me sad, make me cry, but i really prefer if he could tell me, rather than i find it by myself.

Comparing, i would say both make me happy in the old days. John didnt make me happier like what my ex did for me. Probably john has tried his best. But the hurt he given me, neva can cure me back. Maybe he’s still young. Need to have more fun like others teenage guys. I would definately let him do what he like, but at least he know what he is doing. But will he?

I’ve given a chance for john. But he didnt feedback me. He lead me to a yes no answer. I love him more. I do. Cause, my life have given to him. I spend many things together with him as well. Thaught he would be my man. But will he?

Yeah you are right. Many of my friends been giving me lots of support of the break up. They trying to cheer me up with things. I help myself to stand up again, and walk again. But, in the end, i end up missing him. I’ve got no one to turns to, about this relationship. Those things i suppose to hear. Know my fren helped me. My bro and my sis helped me. I appriciate alot. But still i end up loneliness..

I’m trying hard to fade away this feelings. I dont like this kind of feelings. Who would like it right?

Well, after the break up with my ex, i didnt contact him. I did told him, he could write me mails. I will read, but i wont reply. Why? Cause i need him to go on with his life. I dont want hm everyday wait for my emails and hoping for chances. But, i knoe he is trying to contact me after for so long. I can know, his love for me still haven’t drop. Mayb i’m wrong. Hopefully i’m wrong too. But .. in the end, i dont know. Or maybe he wan to keep in touch with me, and no intention at all.

ddtata, hope you could really tell me who you are.

Dunno what to say. Got surprise. Real surprise… Suppose, after that blog, i have to go to bed. But before i go, i log in to view John n my ex. I saw my ex faces at last. So, i switch to another account of mine.

Dunno what to say. Saw him, after such a long period. Probably more than 2-3yrs now, since v broke up.

No wonder, i received one postcard. It didnt wrote down the name. but was stamped at thailand. He told me to treat my bf nice n so on. That time, i dunno who was that. But, i sud thaught it must be my ex. Probably, i guess corrected. Cause after i viewed his photos at friendster, disahkan that he is reli at thailand b4. But now, he’s at singapore.

Shocked me is that, i saw his neck. On his left neck, tattooed my name ‘XTER’ in a caligraphy form. My heart kept pumping. He reli aint joking. He reli tattooed my name on his neck! OMG!

WHAT HAVE I’VE DONE TO HIM??

Reli dunno what to say. Even, he is wearing the earing i gave to him. It’s a ‘8′. Suppose i bought 2 earings. One is ‘8′ and another is (smiley). He told me to wear the :), cause he want to see my smile n cheer everyday. He wore ‘8′ to symbolize me of wearing spects.

N he wore it till now…

I’m speachless..

I want to turn to someone. Speak to someone about my problems. A very best friend of mine. But who? I could turn to no one.

Feel like crying.. really feel like crying. Crying for missing him? or crying that he’s treassure me more than i treassure him?

what has happen to me? My love life taken up my whole life, leaving downs to me…

Am i in love back with my ex? Or still i cant forget about john?

I’m totally out of my mind..

Or should i stop logging in my mails n friendster for the time being?

<<i just want to die>>

Today, goin up to work..gUESS what? I was so surprise. I stunt thr. Looking at it for few seconds. Yea.. Red Pain splashed on that office. Dunno what has happen. The 1st thing i thaught was a blood. But when i look carefully, it’s a paint. Splashed so horrible. Yuck.. N in the evening, they report to polis..Here’s the pic. Not so clear. If u r thr, sure will hark sei lei.

Yea, I decided to move back hm. If i stay alone, I will go crazy joh. 1st, cause reali damn sein lea. Living outside. Uh. If i got active frenz, then is different. But, i dun hv this kind of frenz. Hope to find it. But i’m damn lazy. Old liaw. Not like young oredi, which can always meet frenz up.

Nway, today nicole n alvin helped me up. 3 rounds lea. N we’ve all been so tired. Cuz goin up, den coming down, den go up again, n down again. The TV is teh hardest one. Walau eh. Damn heavy man! I advice, If any of u wanna rent a room, dun eva buy 21 INCH! Damn heavy d. Stoopid la. But luckily not my money d. haha.

N lastly, i pay for the 2 mths rent lor. Gau dim it. Hopefully i move back, i can safe alot joh. Cause I’ve already spend alot of money. Thaught wan to leanr save oredi, but today morning, wen goin to 1u wif vki, i bought one ring. Sei mou. RM56. Very nice d. If i didn’t buy on that spot, i guess i kenot zzz joh. Cuz accesorries is one of my damn fav thingy.

Well, i first notice it was when it was fri. Goin out wif june to 1u. Then, i keep on looking for anotehr ring. N da da.. here i found it. But that time, i didnt bring my purse. So can see, but kenot take back hm. Now? Haha.. I’m wearing it. yum yum*

Oh ya..back to the story juz now. Then, at 7.30pm, i sms my mum. Told her i move back hm. She seems happi in the sms. But for me? Huh! Ok la, i stop blog here. feel tired, cause been arranging things from morning to nite. Will sleep soon loo..

Guess what? I bought one Iguana today. very very the happy. June took me to The Curve. Then i sun pin see that Leng chai Nick. Wah, u knoe? He is so damn handsome. Face skin very nice. yum yum!! Then smile oso very sweet. Lam lea. Then he dyed his hair. Very perfect! I luv it.. But then hor, sud he ask me, dun call me koh koh, cause probably u r elder den me. My heart sink. Urm, not because i cant call him bro, it’s because he’s younger. Means no chance lor! He born in 85! Uh. sat mong.

Then he sold me one iguana cost RM300. Urm, consider ok liaw. I mean the price. Cause it’s a 1yr n 3mths old. Quite big oso. Very green as well. But today spend almost rm500. Cause bought thier big cage as well.

At 1st, i;m damn sked, cuz is big. N i look it’s very angry. Nick told me to careful when hold him. Cause he dun like ppl to hold him at any angle d. So he thaught me how to hold him.

But that iguana, climb all over me, till up my hair. OMG. Nick helped me to pull it out. Nice guy hor. But this iguana it’s nick’s fren d. So, he try to help his fren to sell it out, cause his fren wan go to oth country. Butof cuz i didnt pay at the Pet’s safari la. He told us to wait him at the food court, so i can handle the money to him lor. N Salina, say, nick give it to u rite? I say yea. Haha. If Nick reli gip me, lam sei ngor lor. Then kenot wake up, n kenot walk to maxiimpact joh.

N Nick helped me to set up the cage. June quite like the iguana as well. N i’m goin to call him BABY!! MY BABY!! muahahah!! yum yum. N when the cage is ready to go, i put at June’s car. Wah..ngam ngam lea. Actually, we force to put in d lor. Sorry ar June, make ur car like that pulak. Hehe*

Hope can hv more time wif my iguana, n hope tomolo got cahaya matahari, so i can put it at the sunlight for 15 min. wah..song lea!

Now, i got fat fat and got  baby… Dog n Igu. mUuack!

N justin ++ 2day ur mum call me up. When i’m goin for lunch. V talked abit. I got told her i went to visit u. After some talkings, she suddenly told me she missed u so much. She wanted to cry as well. But i stopped her. I told her not to be so sad. Just figure that u r really at somewhr far, to have fun in your life. She reli miss u alot, so do i. Still wishing, u will come to my wish, if not, i call my igu as MY LUVLY JUSTIN..